About Neil

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My Pretzel Logic

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I HAVE NO illusions of immortality.  Superman is stuff of comic books and I don’t want to be the pallbearer to the Lois Lane(s) of my lifetime.  Pain can be endured, grief is unbearable.  I want my children to live a full life.  Let them be my pallbearers for children are supposed to bury their fathers.  I have no visions of grandeur.  I count my blessings no matter how small.  I count my friends.  I keep tab of the number of knives I have sticking out the small of my back.  Luckily there are very few.

I am thankful for the years I managed to coast along (not soared, but barely coasted along) no matter how harsh some of them have been.  I can still crack a smile knowing that the kings of the world are for leviathan sunken ships, and here I am, standing with my grim-weathered face, a skipper of my tiny fishing trawler through rough stormy seas.  My life experiences have mellowed me, humbled me.  The fiery rage had tapered down to glowing cinders.  Piercing screams stifled to a whisper.  I have long bid goodbye to the youthful idealism I have nurtured once, not for loss of hope but for better appreciation of realities.  I regard lofty goals with measured pragmatism and view failures and desperation with robust prospects.

I see myself in music.   Somebody told me that I am a rap symphony.  Move the horn section aside and make room for Snoop Dog and the boom boxes.  I am fucking Ludwig van Beethoven in over-sized shirt.  Wear the blings and let the curls down to please the homies.  Let The Chairman of the Board and King Cole toss and turn.  Leave them be.  This is my time and I’ve got to keep my rhythm.

But all I ever wanted is a passing glance.  I convince myself that I exist in my own nondescript way while the world went on in its damn big hurry.   I take time to stop.  I grab every conceivable opportunity to take a respite and admire the mellow shade of sky.  Then I can dream of a forgotten world of poetry and prose, of silence and its eloquence and then crash back to earth with a sickening thud and bask in my insignificance.

I am but a Zippo spark in a multitude of darkness.  Let me flicker in my own little realm for, as in life, stars that burn twice as bright only shine half as long.  I seek hope and faith and love, but mostly the last.  Because in this rapidly-changing world, where all will soon be lost, love will be the last to go.

Today I look back and reflect at all the cards I have been dealt with thus far.  And, although sometimes I pray that somebody re-shuffles my sorry deck, I still thank God.  A perpetual trio of aces isn’t bad at all.

(pretzel on the block)

119 thoughts on “About Neil

  1. Hi Neil,

    Long time no see *_^
    Thanks for following LUMINNEJ all these while. Just to update you that we have moved to a new platform. Do surf over to our new home at http://luminnej.blogspot.com/ for more of the same luminously beautiful stories. See you there! Hope you would follow us from there too *_^

    With love,
    Jeann from LUMINNEJ

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    • thank you for dropping by, jeann. big congratulations to you and your new blog. it looks really fantastic! let me find a way to follow you at blogspot via wordpress and will definitely (and eagerly) be looking forward to your posts.

      more power and all the best, neil

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      • Thanks thanks for the lovely compliment! Hope it’s not too much of a hassle…see you again real soon and till then, take good care ya! Keep those creative juices flowing, will you?

        Cheers,
        Jeann

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  2. I have enjoyed wandering through your thoughts this afternoon….
    you have a gift of being natural…no masks when you write….
    clarity…..Thanks for sharing you….
    Take Care…You Matter…
    )0(
    ladyblue

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  3. Hi Neil,

    It is heartening to know that wisdom has gradually distilled onto your life, which you have embraced with a much better understanding.

    SoundEagle is certain that you will evaluate yourself in a different light, as you continue to unlock, examine and interpenetrate various aspects of your life(style) and psyche.

    Happy March to you and your family! Since this is the very first comment here in 2013, SoundEagle would like to wish you a new dawn and an even better year of learning and discovery in 2013!

    SoundEagle hopes that you continue to do very well and find fulfillment in whatever you enjoy doing and savouring, especially through your “Pretzel Logic” and “Caffeine & Twisted German Biscuits”.

    Cheers!

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    • hello. that is so thoughtful of you. it is so nice to receive a comment here after a long while. just wanted you to know that your positive wishes and insights are very much appreciated and i hope SoundEagle will find as much fulfillment as I have for this year so far.

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    • so thoughtful of you christina! it’s quite a surprise that you think i am worthy of nomination for the sensual blogging award, and it’s cool! thank you very much for honoring me with this. hope i could catch up with my award backlog soon :)

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  4. Read the Caffein Chronicles. I haven’t read anything that has made me feel in such a long time. Your words are lovely and you are a true writer. Looking forward to reading much more from you
    – Teresa

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  5. Zippos are collectors items. Although you claim to be a spark…I am thinking you are perchance a full fledged lighter. Perhaps you are a rare thing and I shall pretend I possess you on a shelf in my mental storehouse of things that I should have bought at one point or the other in my life. I am not sure what color of Zippo you are. Unless you have a suggestion……something for me to ponder. :) (Since we seem to be exchanging smiles I thought I would send one more your way.)

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  6. Pingback: The Liebster Blog Award. My “writer’s ego” could not be more swollen. « I am an Afterschool Special

  7. Brilliant. You are grand. I love that someone told you you are a rap symphony. I believe from this day forth that we should keep a running list of the best things/ compliments that people say to us. That is one of them.

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    • hi jofelyn (can i call you that?)! actually i saw your post last night but decided not to comment until you make it official hehe :-) thank you very much for remembering and for having My Pretzel Logic first in such a distinguished list! it’s quite an honor. i’d be happy to pass the love around. i received 3 other nominations recently and i was thinking about doing it all together in one post. thank you again and congratulations to you!

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      • You can call me Jofelyn if I can call you Neil. :-) You must have rolled your eyes when you saw your name in the nomination hahaha ‘ not again’ just kidding. I am not surprised you received 3 nominations already. You wooed a lot of bloggers with your tender hearted writing. This nomination is indeed quite a task but it is also a fun way to show one’s admiration and appreciation to other bloggers. I must say I rather enjoyed the messaging part to let you all know I nominated you. I can imagine the teenagers I nominated shrieking when they check their notification. Lol. They go crazy for stuff like this. Anyway thanks also. Cheers. Happy weekend.

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        • please call me neil. actually i didn’t :) i happen to have a different view on blog award nominations. maybe i can touch on that subject a little when i post the awards blog entry (which will be a long one i can see). i agree that it is always nice to be remembered and to pass it on and make your nominees feel that they too are remembered. i can just hope that everyone feels the same way we do about these nominations. have a nice weekend! :)

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  8. Best ‘About’ I’ve seen yet! Thanks for stopping by and liking my most recent blog post…it led me to yours and I’ve pretty grateful for that. Looking forward to seeing more.

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  9. Neil!! So glad you liked a a post of mine recently, because it means I’ve discovered your blog! I absolutely love your writing style and will be visiting often from now on. Cheers!

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  10. I like your writing style :) (and your taste in books – you mentioned some of your favorite authors in the Award post and as I love to read I’m always curious to know what others are reading!).

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    • hi letizia! welcome to my humble page! thank you for your kind words! i kind of gravitated to the prose poetry genre as of late. glad you liked it :) i have this embarrassing habit of reading 2 books at the same time. i choose which book to continue reading each time i go to bed every night. i read e-books using kindle app. right now i am reading david sedaris’ “me talk pretty one day” and howard e. wasdin’s “seal team six.” what books are you reading at the moment?

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      • as i mentioned in my post to you and for the benefit of others who are looking for their next good book, you might want to consider cheryl strayed’s non-fiction book titled “wild” which i found “wildly” amusing, smart, hilarious at times and inspiring. it’s about her adventures trekking the Pacific Crest Trail solo.

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      • I sometimes read 2 books at a time as well :) I’m only able to do this if the books are very different in nature though (or else I get them too confused in my mind!). I loved Sedaris’ ‘Me Talk Pretty One Day’, especially as I am from France so his French adventures made me laugh so much. When you finish it I recommend listening to the audio version as he has great delivery.

        I just started a book on Ezra Pound called the Pound Era. So far so good (well, I’m on page 4 so it’s hard to make sweeping generalizations at this stage). Lovely to make your blog-acquaintance (I’m quite new to all this too!).

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        • it is comforting to know that i’m not the only one suffering from this nasty reading affliction :)

          incidentally i also have the audio book of “me talk pretty one day.” but since i tend to “devour” every word of books i read, i decided to read first. i feared that he might read too fast for me to absorb the full impact of his wit. my favorite line so far is (and slightly paraphrased here to fit my inclinations :p): “because my former girlfriend was so good-looking, i had always insisted that she must also be stupid, the reason being that it was simply unfair for someone to be blessed with both gorgeous features and basic conversational skills. she was, of course, much smarter than i give her credit for, and she eventually proved her intelligence by breaking up with me.”

          the pleasure of making acquaintance is entirely mine :)

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    • haha. i almost spilled my instant coffee the way you put it. officially, i am very much honored by your kind nomination.

      drowning — i have that effect on people, sadly :p really, just glad you’re around to welcome a “newbie” like me. thank you!

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  11. Admiring and taking inspiration from your “LOGIC” !!

    A joyful and bright blog you’ve got here !

    And thank you so very much for dropping by my blog !!! ;-)

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  12. I am intrigued by your words…your descriptions. I see myself in them. My own sad story. I just wanted to encourage you to keep writing, keep hoping, and keep being thankful…you are very talented. :)
    Christina ~

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      • I am so very pleased that I could offer some little inspiration and encoragement. I absolutely love the images you create in my mind with your words…even if some of those images make me sad…your writing is just so very fluidic and moving to me. I want to thank you for putting them here to share :)

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        • many many thanks christina! :) most of the literary pieces in there are bleak because they were written during such a dark period of uncertainty :p but if you’d look closer you will find that each of them have their own little moments of “redemption,” if I may say. i hope you could take out of them the message i sought to put across :) i hope there is good reason to write some more :D

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          • You are so welcome, I feel like I should be thanking you!! ;) I totally understand the ‘bleak, dark period’. I too am going through that.

            I am having a really elightening time going through your different posts and yes, I do find the moments of ‘redemption’in there! :)

            I look forward to reading more you have already written and potential new posts to come! You are most definitely very talented my friend! :)
            Blessings and best wishes for a wonderful day/evening!!
            Christina ~

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  13. Hi Neil – thanks for visiting my blog recently. I’ve just hit the ‘subscribe’ button and look forward to reading mroe of your posts in the future.

    Have a great day :D xx

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